You are today where your thoughts have brought you. You will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.
~James Allen~
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Just Finding Out
I don’t know how much of a story mine will be because I just found out I have Hep C and still am in shock over it. If it will help here you go.
The 30th of March 2010 was the day after my 54th birthday. Little did I know that is would be the last birthday I would live in blissful ignorance of what I had contracted. My doctor called me up at 10:30am and told me over the phone that I tested positive for Hepatitis C. I almost passed out after he hung up. I have no medical insurance and had no way of going to see a hepatologist which is what he wanted me to do. There are 2 in the state of Arkansas and the one he contacted on my behalf rejected me because I was uninsured. DHS, the Department of Health, everywhere I called said there was no help for me. No one had the funding. I was devastated. I was having to go to work and trying to find out what I was supposed to do. How in the world did I even get this I was wondering. I don’t do drugs; I never had a blood transfusion. I was racking my brain and researching what I could find on the internet about this virus and the more I read the sicker inside I got. I remembered back in 1995 when I had donated blood to the Red Cross and they had sent me a letter saying they tested my blood 3 times and it came back positive but they told me it was either Hep A or B. Nothing was ever mentioned about C so I blew it off. Figured I felt fine so why should I worry. After all A and B won’t kill you. So here it is 2010 and I go to my doctor for him to test my blood after he put me on this medication that can be potentially harmful to the liver and my results came back. They redid tests and did a Hep Panel and it came back positive for C. THAT is how I found out.
I was scared and here I was with no one to talk to about this. No family, no one. So I started thinking again how in God’s name did I get this? Then I had this thought run through my head. I was in the US Navy from 1977 – 1979 and I distinctly remember them lining the recruits up and giving us shots in both arms at the same time with them air jet guns. That made sense to me that I would contract it in this manner. But I was thinking to myself that there was no way the Navy would be that careless or that stupid. So I got on the internet and typed in the search engine a question pertaining to the military and hepatitis and found the site that made my blood run cold and also gave me the answer I was looking for. I was infected with Hep C 33 years ago in boot camp. The next thing I did was to go to the local VA Assistance office and filed for medical help. I never told the guy what I suspected. I am not that stupid. I know how the military is. My father was in the Army for 20 years and would come home saying how things were handled in the service. So here I am. Waiting for whenever they will get around to approving me to even be seen at a clinic. I can’t begin to convey how much this has done to me so far. I am into the 2nd week of knowing what I have and what my chances are and sadly my own government that I served and got an honorable discharge did this to me. There is no way I could have gotten it other then those air guns. This is my story. I am having a very hard time dealing with all this. I haven’t even gotten the tests to show what my geno type or viral load is and I am nowhere near being able to afford getting it done or getting the all important liver biopsy. I may have a damaged liver for all I know. It is killing me inside. My life was forever changed with this news. I don’t know what is going to happen to me or how I am going to get the care I need. I can barely work anymore because my mind is so distracted and I come home at night and cry my heart out at this. I am afraid to touch anyone. I won’t even get near my nephews newborn son. I feel like I am damaged goods now. I don’t want anyone else getting this from me. So what is there for me to do other then pray God has mercy on me and somehow justice is served. For me and for everyone else out there who served their country and got this done to them. My heart and prayers are with you all.
The 30th of March 2010 was the day after my 54th birthday. Little did I know that is would be the last birthday I would live in blissful ignorance of what I had contracted. My doctor called me up at 10:30am and told me over the phone that I tested positive for Hepatitis C. I almost passed out after he hung up. I have no medical insurance and had no way of going to see a hepatologist which is what he wanted me to do. There are 2 in the state of Arkansas and the one he contacted on my behalf rejected me because I was uninsured. DHS, the Department of Health, everywhere I called said there was no help for me. No one had the funding. I was devastated. I was having to go to work and trying to find out what I was supposed to do. How in the world did I even get this I was wondering. I don’t do drugs; I never had a blood transfusion. I was racking my brain and researching what I could find on the internet about this virus and the more I read the sicker inside I got. I remembered back in 1995 when I had donated blood to the Red Cross and they had sent me a letter saying they tested my blood 3 times and it came back positive but they told me it was either Hep A or B. Nothing was ever mentioned about C so I blew it off. Figured I felt fine so why should I worry. After all A and B won’t kill you. So here it is 2010 and I go to my doctor for him to test my blood after he put me on this medication that can be potentially harmful to the liver and my results came back. They redid tests and did a Hep Panel and it came back positive for C. THAT is how I found out.
I was scared and here I was with no one to talk to about this. No family, no one. So I started thinking again how in God’s name did I get this? Then I had this thought run through my head. I was in the US Navy from 1977 – 1979 and I distinctly remember them lining the recruits up and giving us shots in both arms at the same time with them air jet guns. That made sense to me that I would contract it in this manner. But I was thinking to myself that there was no way the Navy would be that careless or that stupid. So I got on the internet and typed in the search engine a question pertaining to the military and hepatitis and found the site that made my blood run cold and also gave me the answer I was looking for. I was infected with Hep C 33 years ago in boot camp. The next thing I did was to go to the local VA Assistance office and filed for medical help. I never told the guy what I suspected. I am not that stupid. I know how the military is. My father was in the Army for 20 years and would come home saying how things were handled in the service. So here I am. Waiting for whenever they will get around to approving me to even be seen at a clinic. I can’t begin to convey how much this has done to me so far. I am into the 2nd week of knowing what I have and what my chances are and sadly my own government that I served and got an honorable discharge did this to me. There is no way I could have gotten it other then those air guns. This is my story. I am having a very hard time dealing with all this. I haven’t even gotten the tests to show what my geno type or viral load is and I am nowhere near being able to afford getting it done or getting the all important liver biopsy. I may have a damaged liver for all I know. It is killing me inside. My life was forever changed with this news. I don’t know what is going to happen to me or how I am going to get the care I need. I can barely work anymore because my mind is so distracted and I come home at night and cry my heart out at this. I am afraid to touch anyone. I won’t even get near my nephews newborn son. I feel like I am damaged goods now. I don’t want anyone else getting this from me. So what is there for me to do other then pray God has mercy on me and somehow justice is served. For me and for everyone else out there who served their country and got this done to them. My heart and prayers are with you all.
"Delay, Deny, hurry and die". Vietnam Vet Speaks Out
Joined Army at 17 in 1965. Short and to the point, most Vets probably got Hep C from the filthy MUNJI jet injectors used for vaccinations. Herd Lines, gun paced against each tricep, vaccine and body fluids from troops before got injected by high pressure air through the skin. So we all received med and body fluids from the thousands of troops before us. No cleaning of the Jet Guns took place. 2 of 3 Viet Nam Era Vets have Hep C from this alone.
All blood to blood transfer after that only further spread the virus to other troops and other Armies. Now we die, most without compensation for our service connected disability. Throw away Vets. VA Motto "Delay, Deny, hurry and die".
All blood to blood transfer after that only further spread the virus to other troops and other Armies. Now we die, most without compensation for our service connected disability. Throw away Vets. VA Motto "Delay, Deny, hurry and die".
only thing I know for sure is that I need to have a dog Stevie Hunter.
About four years ago, in one of the newer subway cars, lit up so much you feel like you are in a fish bowl, I sat across from a poster with a man’s face, part of it looked, looked, well, like a burnt marshmallow. It said something like: If your face looked like your liver you would get treatment.
No how, where or when. Gee thanks. I would, if I could, if I should.
A lot of stuff in a short time led me from a relatively happy, healthy, self-sufficient & productive life to that point of life-less-ness, 31/2 yrs of stuff, not nice stuff.……I put my dog of 12 yrs to sleep, saw the second plane hit the world trade center & worked next to the city’s ME office, where, for years, the remains of 9/11 victims were dealt with.……I began to drink vodka, insane amounts of vodka.…….one, then the other person I worked for moved on, job got too hard, job got sabotaged, job got too easy, got no job.......pre- then full on menopause, which became disruptive then destructive. .…… short term, followed by working memory, began to fail…….poor long term memory since childhood…… I was thirsty all the time & my brain was being fried; sunlight hurt, florescent lights hurt……. …....my closest & dearest friend had been using me but I had no clue & out of the blue he publicly dumped me…..already a loner I isolated my self, had no social support, no friends……It is so very easy to loose yourself in a city so big…....I let myself get into the craziness of methamphetamine abuse. I experienced case of bursitis so bad I had to take cross-town busses for several months. Stuff like that.
November of 2004 I was diagnosed with HepC, w/ a high titer & some liver damage. I stopped drinking, cold, immediately started sleeping too much & crying. ridiculous, public displays of emotion.
Most likely I got the virus in my mid 20’s, but I hoped that I got it later in my 30’s when I worked on AIDS research projects with infected blood.
I figured I had time, that odds were against successful treatment & better drugs were on the way. Alone I started to “fix” my apartment, looked into other jobs, career changes & school. I tried to be self-employed. Initially found good dental care at schools but later had my gums mangled by a practicing hygienist. I was successfully evaluated for a clinical trial with a protease inhibitor, but for some mysterious reason was not included. I looked into other ways to get medical care but was only able to find mental heath care [later]. I had bounced back & forth between a zombie-like state & the high energy the neurotoxin caused from mid 2003 to mid 2007. Finally I just stopped. My life, my apartment & I were in embarrassing disrepair & remain so to this day. I was deep into depression, had no sense of time, no credibility & had accomplished nothing.
Less than a 1½ ago I got a dog quit smoking & cut way down on caffeine. I already ate right & walked allot. I got some mental health care & LATER found a support group. Age, drugs & alcohol use or lack there of, loss of estrogen, chronic infection, the ever popular stress & so on. Any, all, or a combination have taken their toll. It’s hard to know. I still remain unemployable on so many levels. I can’t afford insurance & I am afraid to gamble with what little savings I have on anything other than current living expenses.
I may have come a long way, I’m clean, sober & able to read & daydream again but in my mind I am still sitting on that train, soooo tired with my side hurting looking at the man with the burnt marshmallow face wondering if I should & how I’m supposed to get treatment & pay my rent at the same time. The only thing I know for sure is that I need to have a dog.
No how, where or when. Gee thanks. I would, if I could, if I should.
A lot of stuff in a short time led me from a relatively happy, healthy, self-sufficient & productive life to that point of life-less-ness, 31/2 yrs of stuff, not nice stuff.……I put my dog of 12 yrs to sleep, saw the second plane hit the world trade center & worked next to the city’s ME office, where, for years, the remains of 9/11 victims were dealt with.……I began to drink vodka, insane amounts of vodka.…….one, then the other person I worked for moved on, job got too hard, job got sabotaged, job got too easy, got no job.......pre- then full on menopause, which became disruptive then destructive. .…… short term, followed by working memory, began to fail…….poor long term memory since childhood…… I was thirsty all the time & my brain was being fried; sunlight hurt, florescent lights hurt……. …....my closest & dearest friend had been using me but I had no clue & out of the blue he publicly dumped me…..already a loner I isolated my self, had no social support, no friends……It is so very easy to loose yourself in a city so big…....I let myself get into the craziness of methamphetamine abuse. I experienced case of bursitis so bad I had to take cross-town busses for several months. Stuff like that.
November of 2004 I was diagnosed with HepC, w/ a high titer & some liver damage. I stopped drinking, cold, immediately started sleeping too much & crying. ridiculous, public displays of emotion.
Most likely I got the virus in my mid 20’s, but I hoped that I got it later in my 30’s when I worked on AIDS research projects with infected blood.
I figured I had time, that odds were against successful treatment & better drugs were on the way. Alone I started to “fix” my apartment, looked into other jobs, career changes & school. I tried to be self-employed. Initially found good dental care at schools but later had my gums mangled by a practicing hygienist. I was successfully evaluated for a clinical trial with a protease inhibitor, but for some mysterious reason was not included. I looked into other ways to get medical care but was only able to find mental heath care [later]. I had bounced back & forth between a zombie-like state & the high energy the neurotoxin caused from mid 2003 to mid 2007. Finally I just stopped. My life, my apartment & I were in embarrassing disrepair & remain so to this day. I was deep into depression, had no sense of time, no credibility & had accomplished nothing.
Less than a 1½ ago I got a dog quit smoking & cut way down on caffeine. I already ate right & walked allot. I got some mental health care & LATER found a support group. Age, drugs & alcohol use or lack there of, loss of estrogen, chronic infection, the ever popular stress & so on. Any, all, or a combination have taken their toll. It’s hard to know. I still remain unemployable on so many levels. I can’t afford insurance & I am afraid to gamble with what little savings I have on anything other than current living expenses.
I may have come a long way, I’m clean, sober & able to read & daydream again but in my mind I am still sitting on that train, soooo tired with my side hurting looking at the man with the burnt marshmallow face wondering if I should & how I’m supposed to get treatment & pay my rent at the same time. The only thing I know for sure is that I need to have a dog.
'Got Hep C in 1986 - Scott's Story
'Got Hep C in 1986 shooting up...got pretty flu like sick for a month right after, then basically nothing ever since... cleaned up in 1990 and have a better life now....wife has Hep C, got it from me...treated once a year ago, was nonresponder, pulled after 27 weeks.... am waiting for teleprevir to re TX while I still have my 55 year old youth factor going on... worked thru TX and feel good over all, have become keen about Hep C awareness and issues through the http://www.especially/ out of bounds, a Delphi site.'
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